The Duality of an Electrical Engineer

I was very young when I took my first train ride with my great-aunt. I don't remember many details, but I remember being enamored by the experience. My great-aunt was an academic, and loved to encourage my curiosities. She would give me Brain Quest workbooks so I could keep myself busy while going on long road trips. She gave me plush toys from my favorite show, Bob the Builder (my favorite toy was a Wendy doll that would say "I can fix it!" when you squeezed her hand). She wrote me a letter that said "Study hard, and you'll be an astronaut someday". According to my family, I used to tell her that one day, "I'm going to be an astronaut, a scientist, and-" a third thing that none of us can remember. It was very clear though, that I loved science and I loved her too.

My great-aunt passed away while I was still in grade school. She never got to see me make my grade school project on electricity and magnetism, she never got to see me learn how to program, and she'll never get to see me graduate university. I do miss her, but because she was an academic I know that her contributions to the general body of human knowledge will always be there for me. 

Duality.

My family has always tried their best to care for me, and I'd argue they did a good job, but I'd be lying if I said I felt like I 'fit in' with either side of my family while growing up. I felt like the qualities I embodied from one side of my family would suddenly disappear when I spent time with the other side. It was as if I was simultaneously similar to and different from them both. I always had to internally redress these two sides of me to make sense of the world around me.

There's the one side that believes in structure, stability, and tradition. In a world that is constantly evolving, it's imperative to stick to your roots. How do we define ourselves within the broader culture we find ourselves in? How do we stick to the rules that have been passed down through tradition? How do we stay in touch with the people that came before us?

There's the other side that believes in change, movement, and freedom. The world is constantly changing, and you must evolve with it to survive. Improvise, adapt, overcome. You do what's necessary to make the world a better, safer place for the people that come after you. It's not just a job, it's a duty. If you're not willing to sacrifice everything in order to achieve a goal, is that goal even worth reaching for?

With one side I discovered my love of electronic music and cooking, while with the other I discovered my love for midnight drives and tomato soup with grilled cheese sandwiches. When I was young, I always assumed that these two parts of me would always be what defined me. As I grew older, I realized that there was something else, a completely separate side of me that doesn’t show up anywhere else except within me. 

What is it?

Engineering. 

A few months ago, my friend and I were researching electrical theory when he sent me a Wikipedia article titled "Duality (electrical engineering)". The article is short; it lists ten different concepts paired by their equivalent inverse, eight equations, and two in-line citations. It’s led me to mull over the idea of duality in a broader sense. It seems as if I’m not the only one who has come across this concept in an academic setting. 

The more I intertwine myself with the knowledge of electrical theory, the more I start to question the validity of this path that I chose for myself. I thought my logic leading up to this choice was sound: I like making things, I like helping people, and I like science. Engineers create tools so others can use them with materials that are readily available in their environments. It’s something I have an aptitude for, and it’s something I believe I can do. 

Recently, I feel as if I’ve been pressured into choosing a side. I can’t say that’s something I’ve ever wanted to do, and it’s something I find completely unnecessary. Part of the reason for choosing engineering was to avoid the dilemma of choice. When faced with a diverging path, create your own, right?

There’s a problem when you choose something for the sake of not doing something else— it’s not very fulfilling. At least, not in the long run. It can be fun in the beginning when you make friends and learn new things, but there comes a point where you question the usefulness of the task at hand. Maybe I’ve been looking at this dilemma from the wrong angle. I believe it’s time for a new approach. 

Engineering exists in the broader subset of academic disciplines that use mathematics to identify and solve challenges. These challenges are always evolving, and our tools to solve them must change with it. The only way to build new tools is by studying our old ones. We need to understand our past to find new ways of approach, and we need the courage to try something new regardless of the outcome. There’s no need to reject both paths in order to choose a separate third path, because there’s a way to embrace both of them to create something greater. 

My great-aunt will always be known as an academic. She studied the known to pursue the unknown. She embraced all parts of human knowledge to arrive at conclusions that helped guide me into the unknown. She was always evaluating solutions to make adjustments when necessary. Not all solutions were perfect, but she had a duty to be as accurate as possible. She knew that there was someone that might need to use her information in the future. 

I can only hope to be the same. 

(Special thanks to E.R. for proofreading this post before release).